Last week I posted a very important question about help to get you thinking on how you relate to the concept. Whenever a coach asks you about your relationship to something, they’re really asking for your perspective. Exploring your perspective, means noticing the way you see help, what you believe about help and how open you are to give and receive help.
I used to believe a lot about help. I believed I didn’t need it and it was better to do things myself. Trained in my early years to be somewhat of a perfectionist, I saw help as something that meant I had to compromise. I’d never get what I wanted in life if I had to ask for help. In my mind, help also came with strings and obligations. The story I heard was I’d owe someone who helped me, and I didn’t want to be indebted to anyone.
I share my story as an example simply to get you thinking about your own and how the way you relate to help is similar or different. Your story with help may be wildly different than mine or anyone else’s.
Can you guess what happened to me eventually after walking around the world with the thoughts and beliefs that I didn’t want or need help? One day, I woke up and realized I was in a deep hole, isolated and unable to get out by myself. If I didn’t have help, I’d risk everything from my money and my home to my health and my relationships.
That’s when the honest truth hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s not possible to be human and exist in the world without help. While my habit of rejecting help allowed me to do everything myself, it also took away the opportunity for others to support me. This is the point at which I noticed something deeper. Not wanting help had nothing to do with my independence or a desire for self-sufficiency. It was about being afraid to need and being judged as not enough or inadequate because I needed help.
What’s important about knowing your relationship to anything in this life is that it gives you a window into what’s shaping your reality. You’ll hear me talk about reality a lot because our reality is something we create. Our thoughts and stories shape what’s possible and what we see as valid and true. When you believe help isn’t needed and is meant for weaker individuals, you’ll sacrifice and over compromise all sorts of things to make this belief a reality.
I encourage you to explore and begin to know what you believe about help. You can have a conversation and talk out your thoughts with a friend, grab some art supplies and draw or paint or simply type or free write your thoughts on the subject. Bottom line: don’t keep your thoughts in your head. Externalize them outside of you in one of these suggested ways. Without doing this work, you may not realize you’re following a story in your mind instead of your truth.
The good news about perspective and the way we construct our reality is that when we change our thoughts, we change our experience. And when we change our experience, new things become possible. Now help comes to me freely when I need it and I am always provided for. I never would have thought that was possible before and I’ve never been so happy to be wrong!
Good luck with your explorations!